Radiant relationships are the ones that shine brightly in your life. They are the ones that lift your spirits and refresh your soul. You feel better and have more energy when you are in the presence of these people. These are the relationships that are worth nurturing and cultivating.
Radiant relationships don’t just happen. They have to be tended to– like a beautiful garden. My husband loves to plant his vegetable garden every year. He works really hard at it. It takes time, work, and care. It is the same with growing vibrant, radiant relationships.
Here are 5 key ingredients:
Trust: Without trust in a relationship, there is no foundation on which to build. A garden requires a bed that will support its growth and hold its roots in place. Trust takes time to establish in a relationship, but once it is, it becomes a rock of stability and safety for both people to relax and be themselves. However, once trust is broken, it is one of the most difficult things to re-build. Be trustworthy. Keep confidences. Be a safe place for the other person to let down their guard and be vulnerable. Keep your word and follow through with your commitments. Be honest and real and authentic.
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Stephen Covey
2. Presence: Simply put, be there. Be present. Show up and engage. When you are together, put away all other distractions and give that person the gift of your attention and presence. Schedule time to do enjoyable activities together. Then be there – fully attend and show up. Put away your cell phone and completely immerse yourself in the moment with your loved one. Just like my husband has to dig into the soil so he can prepare a healthy foundation for his garden, growing radiant relationships requires this digging in with our attentive and devoted presence.
“The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention.” Thich Nhat Hanh
3. Listen: This is one of the most potent ingredients in a healthy relationship, but is probably the most neglected and misunderstood. It sounds so simple, right? We all believe we know how to listen, but most of us only listen at a superficial level. Deep, intuitive listening can absolutely revolutionize even the most injured and broken relationships in your life. Why? Because everyone longs to be heard, understood, seen, and known.
We are hard-wired for love and connection and when we experience another person deeply listening to our hearts, we feel valued and that we matter. It is a universal need. When you intentionally and deeply listen to another person, you plant seeds of love that will bring a bountiful harvest!
“Listen with the intent to understand, not the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey
Intuitive listening takes practice. It means keeping yourself out of the story and focusing only on that person. Listen between the lines. Pay attention to their body language, energy, emotion and tone of voice. Ask questions. Reflect their words back to acknowledge and validate that they are being heard and understood.
4. Forgive: The impact of this ingredient is massive. You know how weeds can quickly overtake a garden and choke the life out of the plants you want to grow? That is exactly what happens when you hold onto offenses and grudges. When you don’t forgive, you allow bitterness to grow in YOUR heart and it creates a barrier between you and the other person. Forgiving simply means you are letting go of the offense. You are flushing it away and releasing the poison in your heart. It doesn’t mean you weren’t hurt and it doesn’t mean that whatever happened was right. It is simply a cleansing, a pulling of weeds, so that your heart remains free to love.
“Forgive, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” Anonymous
Resolve conflicts when they arise. Don’t let them take root and grow like weeds in your relationship. Allow the other person to not be perfect and to make mistakes, just like you. Talk things out, keeping the issue the central focus rather than attacking the character of the other person. Use your intuitive listening skills to hear their heart. Be willing to hear another perspective or opinion.
“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” Emily Kimbrough
5. Acceptance: Every garden needs lots of watering to thrive and flourish. So do relationships. A truly radiant relationship is one in which both people are free to be themselves without fear of judgment, criticism, or feeling like they need to change in order to be accepted. When you appreciate and love the people in your life just as they are, you nourish their souls and empower them to fully become who they truly are, unique and valued individuals with a gift to share with the world. All the plants in a garden look different. A broccoli plant looks totally different than a tomato plant, from their leaves to their stems to their fruit. They even grow differently. Tomato plants grow tall and broccoli plants spread out and grow low to the ground. It’s the same with people.
We each need the freedom to grow in the manner we were meant to grow so we can bear the fruit that only we can. Acceptance waters the garden of your relationships and allows them to fully grow.
“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.” Leo F. Buscaglia
Loving, healthy relationships are more important than anything else in this life. Nurture them using these 5 ingredients and you will reap a harvest of bounty that will be totally worth your investment. Remember, when you reach the end of your life, what will matter most will be your relationships.
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy. They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Marcel Proust
